Kris Kross "Jump"

*****Number One, April, 1992*****

Hmm, let's see, this song.  The subject matter is familiar.

We're jumping!  Are you talking about us?

Yes, er, no, sorry, wrong decade.

I'm jumping around!  Is that what you need?

Well, right year, but I'm looking for something not quite so irishy.

Perhaps we're the jump-meisters you're seeking?

That's the one!  Now we're cooking with jumpy gas.

Mention Kris Kross to folks of a certain age, and you may see a kernel of recognition.  Some might blurt out "kids who wore backwards clothes!"  Or, others possibly will shout "Sailing and Ride Like the Wind and that Dudley Moore movie theme!"  If it's the latter, then get that person out of the sun.  They are old and confused and likely in need of a lie down.

Unrelated, I'm back from my lie down.

Unlike yacht rock captain Christopher Cross, the artists performing today's tune are a couple of youngsters.  They made their mark in a musical style that old white men generally prefer to shake their fist in anger at rather than their belly in time to.  But there's room enough in this world for all sorts of jumping, as well as a wide array of Chrises, Krises, Crosses, and Krosses.

So, let's dig in to the Daddy Mac and the Mac Daddy's lyrics  This particular number one has a pretty high level of words-per-minute.  The dialogue comes out fast and is somewhat clever, which is a bit surprising considering these guys were barely teenagers at the time.  Perhaps they had some help crafting it.  I mean, there's nothing wrong with maybe one or two other co-writers, let's look at the songwriter credit...

Thirteen.  There are thirteen credited writers for this song.  Yikes.

Is that a values judgment?  Should it be?  I'm not sure if I should hold these words to a higher standard or not, based on the quantity of brainpower involved.  We're focusing on the lyrics in this blog.  In theory, they're placed in a vacuum to be assessed independently of anything else.  But, the artists involved in performing said song has an impact on how the words are perceived.  And, I have to feel that the writer(s) who create the words should also be considered in our rating process.

Plus, there's this t-shirt.

This would appear to be evidence

So, we will rate the following "Jump" lyrics from one to five stars.  A higher score is awarded if it was more likely to be written by a precocious child.  A lower total comes if it sounds like someone who could legally drive penned it.  Let's all gather round, bend our knees, and push off from the ground in an upwards motion!  Thirteen lines from thirteen authors, all for your jumping pleasure:

1. "We commence to make you, Jump Jump"
• Commence?  Clearly written by their accountant's father. Zero Stars
2. "I'll make ya bump bump wiggle and shake your rump"
• I'm guessing this is their Uncle Jay.  He says things like this, especially when he's drunk at Thanksgiving, and thinks it's very funny.  He's twenty-nine years old.  Two stars.
3. "A young lovable, huggable type of guy"
• Kris's mom.  One star.
4. "R&B, rappin' bullcrap is what I'm dumpin'"
• Their neighbor George.  He's a garbageman and loves sneaking in shop talk. One star.
5. "So when they ask, Do they rock? Say believe that"
• Someone who doesn't know what rocks.  Three stars.
6. "I love my stuff knockin' (Knockin)"
• Chaz.  He lives down the street and goes to their school.  The ladies like him.  Three stars.
7. "I love it when a girl is like jockin' (Jockin')"
• Chaz's friend Gary.  He thinks the ladies like him.  They do not.  Three stars.
8. "To the back you'll be fortin' again, is that coincidental?"
• Auntie Linda.  She's frequently confused.  One star.
9. "As you listen to my cool, smooth melody"
• The deejay at the local jazz station.  He wears sunglasses all the time and often smells of mothballs.  One star.
10. "Now, the formalities of this and that"
• And, of course, their lawyer gets a verse.  One star.
11. "Is that Kris Kross ain't comin' off whack."
• The manager.  It is vital Kris Kross DOES NOT come off whack.  Tell them  TELL THEM!  Two stars.
12. "Miggida miggida miggida mack"
• The third member of Kris Kross.  His name is Krass, and he really likes making sounds.  Big fan of the Police Academy guy.  Four stars.
13. "Believe dat."
• Yes, I believe a child wrote that.  Five stars.

FINAL SCORE - 27 stars
AVERAGE AGE - 27 years old

FINAL THOUGHTS
Did Kris Kross make you jump?  It's possible.  Is that enough?  Well, sure, for a pop song by a boy band, it might be worse.  They could have made you do all sorts of awful things, like mmm bopping for example (shudder).  For some songs, it's silly to expect too much.  If two young kids who like to wear backwards pants want to tell you to get up off your feet in a rhythmic fashion, then just shrug and accept it.  We've all done it.  We've all done way worse, when you think about it.

Don't think about it.