Going through puberty can be a confusing time. Nearly everything you see, do, and consume causes a monumental internal hullabaloo. Soda, violent video games, tandem bicycles, bookmarks, loose change, the Arby's hat, nougat, that one Olsen twin, and a pantry full of luridly named treats from Hostess (Ding Dongs, Suzy Q's, Snowballs!) all help forge manic days and sweet, sugary nights. What's a kid to do?
Constantly watch television, that's what.
Unfortunately for children in the eighties, thanks to MTV, neither enlightenment nor escape occurred via the small screen. Unsurprisingly, spending hours and hours focused on performers like Prince and Madonna failed to provide a road map to the hormone sanctuary. Then, adding inanity to this insanity was the cadre of animated nonsense pushed ad-nauseum on viewers by the video channel. Perfectly cromulent bands like A-ha, The Cars, and (uck) Dire Straits dreamt up 8-bit creations that become staples of ones formative years.
Until that point in time, Saturday morning shows were innocent forms of entertainment for the younger set. Cartoons and puppets and nice men in sweaters were supposed to be a world away from real life. One afternoon, you're watching a rabbit and duck shoot each other in the face. Harmless fun! Then, you flip channels and see this.
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| So much to blame Phil Collins for. So very much. |
You grow up real fast.
One of the worst offenders of this group of never-ending eyeball pummelers was "Sledgehammer" by Peter Gabriel. It was, by some counts, the most played music video ever.
But, why does such a visual monstrosity matter on a site where we say the focus is on just a song's lyrics? Well, this hit, in its entirety, is about Peter Gabriel trying to convince some lady to have sex with him. That's it. That's the whole song. And it's not subtle.
The accompanying video, though, had absolutely nothing to do with the lyrics. It was a cartoon. A silly and weirdly animated piece of fluff, and it played on a near-constant loop for approximately all of my childhood.
The song and its deeply ingrained companion video are complete polar opposites in terms of tone and communication. Adult words versus child-like wonder. This blog is about assessing a song's text on its own, as much as is possible. But, with how ubiquitous the visuals are, is it feasible to keep separation here? And, besides that, just what the hell do I say about lines like the following:
"You could have a steam train / If you'd just lay down your tracks"
"You could have a bumper car, bumping / This amusement never ends"
"Show me round your fruit cakes / Cause I will be your honey bee"
"Open up your fruit cakes (!) / Where the fruit is as sweet as can be"
"Oh won't you show for me (!!) / I will show for you (!!!)"
"I've been feeding the rhythm / Going to feel that power, build in you"
"You down with OPP / You know me"
"All day and night, come on and help me do, come on and help me do"
Yeah, and I left out the chorus. These are absurd, and I'm can only fathom that he wrote them in response to a wager.
"Hey Peter, ten quidaroos (or whatever they have over there) that you can't write a ridiculous song where nearly every line is a obvious reference to boinking."
"You're on mate! Oh, and double-or-nothing that I can make it a hit!"
And then you look at the music video again.
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| Choo choo! Hey kids, it's a train! |
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| Oh look, we're having animation fun. Ignore where my nose juts! |
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| Yeah, I know, pink cotton candy on my head. Just buy this record please! |
And oh, so, so much more.
Clearly, he walked away a winner. But what of the rest of us?
This song, on its own, is a farce and presumably meant to not be taken seriously. Do you watch a Monty Python skit and get concerned about plot holes? No, of course not. You judge it on it's attempts to make you laugh.
I think I can surmise what this tune is attempting to make me do. But...when you mix this song and its goofy video together, what is the goal then?
Make you laugh?
Make you horny?
Make you a distressed young man who thinks burlesque shows consist of two raw chickens dancing?
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| Bock bock |
I...have no answer here. Going through this number one single has left me thinking that, some things just exist, and we shouldn't look for any deeper meaning within them. There will be no grading of this song and/or video, nor assessing any stars in review. I...can't. This is a path we shall not take. Again.
Instead of judging, I'm picking this experience up, gently cupping it in my hands, carrying it to where the sand meets the sea, and softly releasing it back into nature. We need to walk away, guys. Just walk away.
Leave the sledgehammer behind.
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