Good news everyone, my Amazon delivery finally arrived. It's been a long time coming. I think I ordered the item in, what, 1997? Yeah, that's about right. Apparently it took them nearly two decades to catch up on the backlog of purchases. I know, everyone wants a memory eraser, but still kind of poor customer service if you ask me. But it is nice that it eventually showed up. And, to be fair, it's actually my fault. I really should've signed up for prime sooner. Plus, Amazon only sold books back then. So, they didn't even stock the thing I bought. Whoops.
Eh, live and learn.
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| Hmm, now what was I getting jiggy with again? |
Anywho, I started playing with my new whatsit and I gotta say, it's a bit touchy. I first tried to blank out the memory of the clerk at the liquor store so that she'd stop recognizing me (it's my drinking problem, not our drinking problem Mandy, thank you very much). Unfortunately, I didn't point the device at her exactly right and it just made her forget that the country of Bolivia existed. Otherwise, no change.
I left the store promptly with bourbon in hand amid clerk concerns about my consumption as well as her family's heritage (apparently her mother was born in "some place that I've never heard of" which is also certainly not my problem). From there, I popped into a pet store and tried again. Sadly, poor aim did the experiment in once more. I barely grazed the stock boy (who immediately lost knowledge of both pickles and Milana Vayntrub, the poor guy). Even worse, the flash reflected off a fish tank and nailed a cat perched nearby. Don't worry, though, it still remembered to be surly. Cause it's a cat.
From there I just came home. Looking at this weird thingy now, I'm just not sure quite how to work it. The instructions don't make a lot of sense. Why did they let Tommy Lee Jones write them? It feels like he just pasted pages out of some screenplay in here interspersed with some incredibly long-winded hand-written vulgarity about what a dumb villain Two-Face is (which, yeah).
Apparently I've got to figure out this on my own. Hmm, maybe if I just push this butto...
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| A flash? I scored a goal! No, wait, that doesn't happen |
Where am I? Oh, this week's blog entry. Jeez, I better put the eraser down and begin writing, it's getting late. Now, who's this week's number one? Beck?
Huh, never heard of him.
That's right. NEVER!
Anyway, guess this guy is some new singer that just broke through with his first big hit. Well, good for him. It's tough to make it to the top, especially with your initial release. Let's take a look at him and start the review!
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| Awe man, one of these |
Great, appears to be that we're dealing with yet another hipster millennial. I'm trying to not be mean here, but you don't have to be all knit cap and un-combed hair and snapchat and avocado toast and being young. Be different! Hmph, not off to a good start here, Mr Beck. Oh, wait, that's your first name?
Yes, of course it is.
Right, so, let's move on to the song. Hearing it the for the first time, I'll say that it's a catchy tune for sure. But, we need to examine the words to gain a firm grasp on the quality of this music. Let's take a gander at the first lyrical section.
Stanza 1
In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey
Butane in my veins is I'm out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
Kill the headlights and put in neutral
Stock car flamin' with a loser and the cruise control
Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D
Got a couple of couches sleep on the love seat
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| I know, Charlie, I know |
FINAL THOUGHTS
Maybe I'm too cynical. Perhaps this Beck guy will prove to be a musical genius with decades of hits and piles of accolades. Could be that someday even I will be moderately impressed with his talent, somehow liking a tune or two down the road. But, dude, come on. Step out of 2019 and be yourself. You don't need to be all weird for the sake of being weird. Yes, being different brings attention. The thing is, everybody tries that. It's not a recipe for long-term success.
Instead, focus on writing something both new and, oh I don't know, good. Doesn't mean you can't still be creative. Use new instruments if you want! Heck, try two turntables rather than one. Grab a microphone too! Be crazy. Just be your best crazy.
That all said, this is very much a unique and rare type of radio smash. Nonsensical, and somewhat with its own genre, it doesn't fit in a lot of boxes. There is certainly something to be said for that. Still, not sure if this is a song that reached the pinnacle because folks recognize what may be an emerging and exciting artist, or if people just like goofiness now and again. Only time will tell. If I had to wager, well, this Berck, er, I mean Beck, would probably not like where my dollars landed. Sorry dude. I could always be wrong, of course.
Now, back to that memory eraser. Pretty sure I'll figure out how to use it. What's the worst that could happen? I forget who the president is? Right. Nobody's that lucky.
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