Pretend you're a rock star. Go ahead, I'll give you a few minutes.
---
Ok, did you have fun? Was it everything you hoped for, what with the groupies and limos and soup-related violence? Good. Now, staying in that head space, let's present an actual quandary to consider.
The pretext:
You're in a band that has had a pretty successful run for a decade or so, and is currently out on an arena tour. Multiple times a week, you and your fellow musicians get up in front of 15,000+ fans and play a two hour set. The songs include recent hits and old favorites from your lengthy catalogue. You've developed a solid following over the years by playing dependable, easy-to-digest middle-of-the-road rock and roll. Some of your tunes are energetic and upbeat, while others are more of the ballad variety. Note that, for shows in these types of buildings, everyone has a seat.
The question:
Taking all of this into consideration, which of the following methods do you use to lay out your set list?
- Focus mostly on your hits and other well-known songs, so that even the most casual fans in attendance will be engaged.
- Grab every mid-to-high tempo song you own and string them together to create a lively and dynamic show.
- Similar to idea number two, but inject a section into the middle of the performance which includes just the mellower tunes. That way, folks have a period of time to relax and enjoy your quieter jams, before you rile them back up again for a big finale.
- Screw with your fans. Constantly yo-yo back and forth between fast and slow tunes. Play something uptempo and watch the most ardent among them leave their seats and excitedly walk to the front of the stage to dance. Then, abruptly shift to something serene! That way, those fans are left standing there trying awkwardly to keep clapping to music that they can't possibly keep time to. See their enjoyment slowly drain from their bodies as they realize it isn't working and turn to slink back to their seats. Then, once they've settled in, do another enthusiastic number to make them rise and start the cycle again! Ha ha ha, suckers.
If you chose answer 4, congratulations, you were in Dire Straits in the late 80's and played a concert that I went to and categorically consider the worst show I've ever seen.
 |
| What, you don't want to stand here now? What's wrong? |
It might be unfair for me to quantify a band based on a single bad experience, especially one that hit the top of the charts and provided what might be the most iconic music video of all time. However, the thing is, it's not unfair. At all.
Dire Straits reached the mountaintop. They achieved tremendous success and assured themselves a place in the memory banks of millions (yes, millions) of men and women of a certain age. We all know "Money for Nothing", by sound and by sight. As such, plenty of opinions have been espoused about this particular number one over the years.
Yes, the video had stupid, blocky, animation which was novel at that point in history. Yes, that was Sting singing that music video channel's catchphrase in the background. Yes, the lyrics contain some HIGHLY objectionable words and phrases that are completely (and quite reasonably) unallowable in all situations these days. And, yes, that offensive dialogue made sense within the context of the song, due to the point of view of the "singer" (meaning not the Dire Straits lead, as the tune is written and performed from the perspective of a blue-collar schmuck).
It's a huge forest of opinion. And while I could tack my thoughts to any one of hundreds of trees, I'd rather simply stay out in my own clearing.
 |
| Uh, thanks Chemica! |
Is the song good lyrically? No, because it really can't be. "Money for Nothing" is the opinion of a simplistic and jealous dullard. It wouldn't make sense for it to be clever or interesting. It's basic ignorance and idol worship. The real songwriter did a fair job of mining this depth, so that's worthy of an attaboy, I suppose. But, it feels like a lie to affix a grade to the details.
So, how can I assess things here? I can only ignore the individual hit and attribute my one moment of personal connection to everything the band has ever done.
Ok, I admit, it is unfair.
 |
| Ya, he's a great guitar player, but a headband with slacks? Take about Dire Straits! |
So, let's find something in this unfortunate situation that I can treat with honest and reasonable consideration. If we look hard enough, I'm sure something will come up. To the Wikipedia...
"...other music videos are also featured within "Money for Nothing". The Hungarian pop band Elso Emelet and their video "Allj Vagy Lovok" ("Stop or Shoot") appears as "Baby Baby" by First Floor during the second verse of the song."
Oh yes, I think we have our lyrics to judge. To the Google Translate...
Elso Emelet "Stop or Shoot"
Verse 1
The street is a battlefield, I'm attacking if I'm there
You are waiting for many opponents, little duels, great sighs
A boy, a girl, a two person army
You and me expect a double fight
There is nothing but a blink of an eye
The attack starts!
Verse 2
Do not even look at me if you do not know what you want
Well, consider the tactics, the practice
Old wisdom that women do not just so
If you can still believe he can win
There is nothing but a blink of an eye
The attack starts!
Chorus
Stop or Shoot I won the battle,
With the interruption operation
FINAL THOUGHTS for Elso Emelet
Uh, well, luckily, I'm Hungarian on my father's side and I know a total of two Hungarian words. Thus, I feel I can really identify with what's happening. And, clearly, there's a lot! Attacks, duels, double fights. Plus, a two person army. That makes the White Stripes "Seven Nation Army" seem to be woefully overcompensating for something. Very impressive, boy and girl. Although, "old wisdom that women do not just so?" That might be less impressive. I think. I...can't say for sure.
FINAL SCORE for Elso Emelet
I mean, come on, it's the interruption operation! That deserves, um, three schnitzels! With mustard! That's a very strong score in Hungary. I'm Hungarian, so I know.
Istenem. That's word one.
FINAL THOUGHTS for Dire Straits
Oh right, those guys. Sorry, your concert was terrible. The show had no flow, and the dozens of musicians on stage didn't seem to alter a hollow, dull sound. Also, for some reason, whenever my friends or I walked away from our seats, other people would take them and insist they were theirs. And the seats were horrible! Why would we choose to sit to the side of the stage in the third level if that wasn't what our ticket stubs said? Seriously! I know that part likely wasn't the band's fault, but come on. Surely such a train wreck of a show must have some impact on the surroundings. Right? Boy, if I had paid for those tickets, I would've been really mad.
What? No, I didn't buy the tickets for this show. My friend Steve had an extra one and offered it to me.
Yes, yes, I see it too. If I had bought the tickets, I could've had the perfect summation to this entry. I know. Money for nothing!! I know!!!! HARHARHARHARHAR.
Sigh. I didn't even get a bad pun to use decades later out of the deal. Pfft. What a waste.
FINAL SCORE for Dire Straits
Zero stars. Money for nothing and the... tickets were free. Huh? Huh?!?!?!
Kis kutya. That's word two. It means little dog. Thanks Dad. Sums it up, I think.
No comments:
Post a Comment