At the time, I claimed this modified blog style was necessary due to being busy. Super busy. Surely, you know that's a lie.
You don't? That's adorable.
Fact is, nothing feels quite as soothing as choosing laziness and pretending it is for aesthetic reasons. In fact, for reference, I like to picture the following conversation as a hopeful goal:
ME - "Hello literary agent. I would like to write a book about doing absolutely nothing except eating Mexican food and occasionally getting up to drink a beer or pet a dog. I will do this for somewhere between twelve months to the rest of my life, and will write about my experiences as the mood strikes (probably only when tacos/alcohol/pooch are out of reach)."
AGENT - "Brilliant! When can you start?"
ME - "That's the best part, I already have."
Someday, my friends, someday.
Until then, I'll only be able to engage in such a detached approach to life when real-world obligations force my unmotivated hand. Moments such as...this week!
You see, I just returned from traipsing about the underneathy bit of the planet. And, boy, are my traipses tired! Nearly fourteen days in Australia (which is about twenty with the exchange rate) wore me out. However, the adventure has presented another opportunity to talk of NOPR selections in bulk. So, with a little bit of down under-inspiration, and some good ol' American blog technology, I'll make a futile attempt to try and catch the runaway beer truck that is the Single File.
Thus, let's make like Crocodile Dundee and call this a knife. Or, yeah, whatever.
*****The Doobie Brothers, "What a Fool Believes"*****
Number One, April, 1979
Australian equivalent - The Flat White
So, here's a nugget I learned; drip coffee isn't a thing in Australia. Nobody, either at home nor in coffee shops, makes coffee in such a way. I can only assume this is because of the whole being-upside-down-all-the-time thing. Water doesn't drip up, right? Sounds logical.
Instead of caffeinating like us in such an Isaac Newtonion way, they make the drink using other methods. And, because of this, you can't just go somewhere and order a "coffee". There's not really such an item available. Even worse, though, is that there aren't any massive/never ending pots of bitter energy percolating at breakfast restaurants. Instead, you have to order an oddly named coffee creation to get one (only one?!?!?) cup of joe (not joey, to be clear). That's all you get. To hell with your addiction!
I settled into this crazy world and picked my obligatory go-to. No long black for me, I'm apparently a flat white guy. That's right, now you know. Adjust your scorn/praise accordingly.
Now, how does this link up with the Doobie Brothers? Well here is the Doob's chorus from this particular number one:
But what a fool believes, he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
Than nothing at all.
See? Strangely applicable to my coffee escapade. Perhaps I'm a fool for believing that another country half a world away would give me my morning boost in the exact same manner as I get it at home. But, really, would it have been so difficult for them to brew in our style? We're not talking about a complex process here, just grind and strain the silly plant through a filter. Easy! I don't get it, Aussies. However, in the end, as the bros say it was better than nothing at all.
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| Wouldn't be a proper post without a Simpsons image |
*****The Offspring, "Come Out and Play"*****
Number One (Modern Rock), July, 1994
Australian Equivalent - kangaroo skewers
Ya see, guys, Offspring. SPRING!
Kangaroos jump a lot. You might say they have SPRING in their legs!
Boom. Nailed it.
I could really end this mini-post (and my writing career) with such untouchable brilliance, but I will continue. You're welcome.
Anyway, I did get the chance to munch on some roo meat during my trip. I know some people might be taken aback by eating a critter with long ears and a pouch, but I found it pretty tasty. And, honestly, I'll tuck a fork into pretty much any animal that's placed on a plate in front of me. Cute, ugly, hairy, stinky, bring them all on.
Speaking of, The Offspring guys clearly embraced this mentality in their music. Rock, punk, rap, SoCal scene, bad hair, they definitely approached the musical table with open minds and ready appetites. Was it all good? No. However, they took chances. That's something.
Sad that they didn't do any hip hop though. Really sad.
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| I typed "kanagaroo" and "hip hop" into google images. This. |
*****Lil Nas X, "Old Town Road"*****
Number One, April, 2019
Australian Equivalent - Bundaberg Rum
This artist has one of the biggest hits of all-time, and he's not old enough to legally drink in this country.
Jeez I feel old.
Fortunately(?) for him, he can drink the boozy-booze in the land down under. The legal age is eighteen in those parts rather than twenty-one as it is up here. Not sure why the youngers are allowed there. Perhaps it's the heat. Or the koalas. Or just plain, dumb logic.
I mean, it's pretty ludicrous that 18-20 year olds can get busted for alcohol here. It isn't a deterrent to drinking, it just forces them to consume in non-business places like parks and cars and doghouses (don't ask). That means they ingest more and potentially cause themselves and others more harm.
So, the land founded by criminals has a more sensible policy towards booze (and many other vices) than the one founded by puritans. Huh, color me utterly un-shocked.
Oh, and you can't even get Bundaberg rum in the states! Seriously, what is wrong with this country?
Ah, yes, I remember now. That guy. Thanks for the reminder. So glad to be home.
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| Pre-made cocktails in cans. Come on USA! |
*****Eminem, "Lose Yourself"*****
Number One, November, 1994
Australian Equivalent - Tim Tams
If you've never eaten a Tim Tam, I'm sorry for your loss. They are chocolatey biscuits of awesomeness, and they should be available everywhere immediately starting right this second.
And, truthfully, I feel that's what Eminem was actually talking about in this chart-topper. Here's the main part of the tune to back up my claim:
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you better
The original version had replaced the word "music" with "bite-sized snack". Yup. I know! Do you see the connection now?
Thought so. This pasty Detroit rapper knows all about the tasty that's underneath said plastic wrapper.
We all live in the same world after all. When it comes right down to it, there's not much difference between the states and Australia. It was a lovely place to visit, and I'm sure The Doobie Brothers, The Offspring, Lil Nas X, and Eminem would all echo my sentiment. Because if there's something that brings together 70's rockers, 90's punks, teenage hitmakers and legendary rappers, it's...um...a blogpost.
Yeah. That's really the only thing.
Still, thanks Australia, it was fun. But, honestly, fix your damn coffee. Sheesh.
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| Can confirm. But their insides are delightful! |
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