Sometimes, there's just too much information.
For example, here are some details about this week's chart-topper, Aerosmith:
Now, normally I would have followed up that withering burn by posting a pic from that schlock-fest of a flick with a zany caption. However, I just stumbled upon an article entitled "Michael Bay Apologizes for Armageddon." So, okay. I'm good. I'll let it slide.
Oh, wait.
Same site, the next day, "Never Mind: Michael Bay is Not Sorry for Armageddon." Alright then.
Back to Aerosmith. I admit, in my late teens and early twenties, I became a pretty big fan. As MTV helped introduce them to a new generation, a lot of people (myself included) became enamored with the band, especially their back catalogue. I've got a pretty firm memory of spending significant record store job time unpacking and stacking endless copies of their greatest hits cd. We went through a ton of those during every holiday's $9.99 sale, of which there were many.
Of course, their more recent releases did pretty well too. And I, as a dutiful wanna-be longhair, had in my collection the required albums. I think that, at various times, I possessed;
This week's song is Livin' on the Edge. It was the lead single on their first record released after the return to fame. Is it one of their better songs, along the lines of early career rockers Mama Kin or Train Kept a Rollin? Eh, no. That much we know. But is it as bad as post Y2K nonsense like, well, let's see, they put out an album in 2004 called Honkin' on Bobo. I haven't heard a single second of it, but I'm going to chalk it up as an "L". Call it a hunch.
So where does this number one fit? And is it good? To figure it out, we're gonna need to have a talk with Mr Tyler.
You see, the lyrics of this tune are somewhat of the proclamation variety. They're sort of meant to be directed at everyone. And, since I'm an everyone (more or less), I'd like to step up and respond for the universe. I believe that the way to determine this hit's quality is to engage in a simulated and stimulating discussion with the musical spokesperson. I'll be playing the part of me (pfft, typecasting) with the verses of Livin' on the Edge forming the other end of the convo. Thus, without further ado...
A conversation with Steven
Me: Hello Mr Tyler
ST: There's something wrong with the world today.
Me: Oh, well, yes, yes there is. I know what it is.
ST: I don't know what it is.
Me: You don't? Well...
ST: Something's wrong with our eyes.
Me: Um...no...that's not it.
ST: We're seeing things in a different way and god knows it ain't his. It sure ain't no surprise.
Me: In a different way from what exactly? What's going on?
ST: There's something wrong with the world today
Me: You said that
ST: The lightbulb's getting dim
Me: Is this about climate change? Or, are you referring to our collective intelligence?
ST: There's meltdown in the sky
Me: Ah, second one.
ST: If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister you're a better man than I
Me: So, by that reasoning, a really intuitive racist is better than you. Got it.
ST: Tell me what you think about your situation, complication, aggravation is getting to you
Me: Well, something is getting to me.
ST: If chicken little tells you that the sky is falling, even if it wasn't would you still come crawling back again, I bet you would my friend, again and again.
Me: That just doesn't make sense. I'm glad we're friends, though.
ST: Something right with the world today.
Me: Yeah, we're friends!
ST: And everyone knows it's wrong.
Me: Dammit.
ST: But we can tell 'em no, or we could let it go, but I would rather be a hanging on.
Me: Ok, good, I guess. I don't know. I need to ruminate for a bit before I get to my final thoughts on the matter.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Whew, we got here fast.
In the end, I've got to say this tune isn't very strong lyrically. Like, at all. If you asked, say, a fifth grader to watch the news and report back, I presume you'd get a response roughly as in-depth as the words above. This is not a political anthem. It's an observation from a guy that just emerged from a twenty year bender to discover a world not made of hookers and blow. Depressing, sobering (literally), but not terribly earth-shattering.
And, to be honest, this is Aerosmith. You don't expect anything introspective or thoughtful. We want bluesy riffs, metaphors for sex, metaphors for drugs, and sex and drugs. Any more than that isn't needed and, quite frankly, sub-standard. There's decades of proof to back that up.
Sorry Steven, I don't mean to be rude, but stick to simplicity. But, call me, we'll hang out. Just lose the hat, dude.
For example, here are some details about this week's chart-topper, Aerosmith:
- As of April 2018, they are number fourteen on the list of all time, worldwide, best selling artists. They've sold 66.5 million units, which puts them just ahead of the likes of Madonna and Bruce Springsteen!
- By the way, this makes a quartet of top-50 product-moving hitmakers that the NOPR has dispensed thus far. They join those selective ranks, appearing far behind Billy Joel (#6) but up above Van Halen (#20) and Guns N' Roses (#31).
- Completely unrelated, but somehow equally important, is this photo that the editors of that linked story decided to use for GnR. Um...
 |
| Yeah...still umming |
- Right, so, more on the boys from Boston. They released seventy-six singles in their several decades-spanning career. Of those;
- Twenty-one reached the Billboard Top 40
- Nine made it to the top of the Billboard Album/Rock chart (including today's tune)
- One hit the summit just in Australia, Janie's Got a Gun (I'm guessing Men at Work was quiet that year)
- And one terrible, dreadful, cheese-stuffed asteroid of a recording managed to reach the pinnacle on our continent; I Don't Want to Miss a Thing.
- My clever and timely hot take, you do want to miss that song, as well as the turgid film that pushed it to unnecessary glory, Armageddon.
Now, normally I would have followed up that withering burn by posting a pic from that schlock-fest of a flick with a zany caption. However, I just stumbled upon an article entitled "Michael Bay Apologizes for Armageddon." So, okay. I'm good. I'll let it slide.
Oh, wait.
Same site, the next day, "Never Mind: Michael Bay is Not Sorry for Armageddon." Alright then.
 |
| Tylers: 2. Batmen: 1. Humanity: 0. |
Back to Aerosmith. I admit, in my late teens and early twenties, I became a pretty big fan. As MTV helped introduce them to a new generation, a lot of people (myself included) became enamored with the band, especially their back catalogue. I've got a pretty firm memory of spending significant record store job time unpacking and stacking endless copies of their greatest hits cd. We went through a ton of those during every holiday's $9.99 sale, of which there were many.
Of course, their more recent releases did pretty well too. And I, as a dutiful wanna-be longhair, had in my collection the required albums. I think that, at various times, I possessed;
- Permanent Vacation
- Pump
- Get a Grip
- Pandora's Box (four-cd retrospective)
There very well may have been others, but I'm pretty sure those were on my shelf at least.
So, that's a lot of history, both in general and specific to me. That can make it tough to evaluate one song on its own merits, without a ton of other considerations seeping in. But, I think I've figured out a way. Or, at least a way to try.
 |
| Pardon me Aunt Phyllis, I don't have time to chat politics right now sorry thanks! |
This week's song is Livin' on the Edge. It was the lead single on their first record released after the return to fame. Is it one of their better songs, along the lines of early career rockers Mama Kin or Train Kept a Rollin? Eh, no. That much we know. But is it as bad as post Y2K nonsense like, well, let's see, they put out an album in 2004 called Honkin' on Bobo. I haven't heard a single second of it, but I'm going to chalk it up as an "L". Call it a hunch.
So where does this number one fit? And is it good? To figure it out, we're gonna need to have a talk with Mr Tyler.
You see, the lyrics of this tune are somewhat of the proclamation variety. They're sort of meant to be directed at everyone. And, since I'm an everyone (more or less), I'd like to step up and respond for the universe. I believe that the way to determine this hit's quality is to engage in a simulated and stimulating discussion with the musical spokesperson. I'll be playing the part of me (pfft, typecasting) with the verses of Livin' on the Edge forming the other end of the convo. Thus, without further ado...
A conversation with Steven
Me: Hello Mr Tyler
ST: There's something wrong with the world today.
Me: Oh, well, yes, yes there is. I know what it is.
ST: I don't know what it is.
Me: You don't? Well...
ST: Something's wrong with our eyes.
Me: Um...no...that's not it.
ST: We're seeing things in a different way and god knows it ain't his. It sure ain't no surprise.
Me: In a different way from what exactly? What's going on?
ST: There's something wrong with the world today
Me: You said that
ST: The lightbulb's getting dim
Me: Is this about climate change? Or, are you referring to our collective intelligence?
ST: There's meltdown in the sky
Me: Ah, second one.
ST: If you can judge a wise man by the color of his skin, then mister you're a better man than I
Me: So, by that reasoning, a really intuitive racist is better than you. Got it.
ST: Tell me what you think about your situation, complication, aggravation is getting to you
Me: Well, something is getting to me.
ST: If chicken little tells you that the sky is falling, even if it wasn't would you still come crawling back again, I bet you would my friend, again and again.
Me: That just doesn't make sense. I'm glad we're friends, though.
ST: Something right with the world today.
Me: Yeah, we're friends!
ST: And everyone knows it's wrong.
Me: Dammit.
ST: But we can tell 'em no, or we could let it go, but I would rather be a hanging on.
Me: Ok, good, I guess. I don't know. I need to ruminate for a bit before I get to my final thoughts on the matter.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Whew, we got here fast.
In the end, I've got to say this tune isn't very strong lyrically. Like, at all. If you asked, say, a fifth grader to watch the news and report back, I presume you'd get a response roughly as in-depth as the words above. This is not a political anthem. It's an observation from a guy that just emerged from a twenty year bender to discover a world not made of hookers and blow. Depressing, sobering (literally), but not terribly earth-shattering.
And, to be honest, this is Aerosmith. You don't expect anything introspective or thoughtful. We want bluesy riffs, metaphors for sex, metaphors for drugs, and sex and drugs. Any more than that isn't needed and, quite frankly, sub-standard. There's decades of proof to back that up.
Sorry Steven, I don't mean to be rude, but stick to simplicity. But, call me, we'll hang out. Just lose the hat, dude.
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