Who doesn't love hockey? I doesn't don't!
Meaning I do.
And do you know who else doesn't don't do? That's right, this week's artist.
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| Thicke of the neutral zone |
I'm a fan of a great many things. Skating-related sports, cheesy 80's sitcoms, and, uh, that's it. No, wait, there are certainly a lot of other activities I enjoy. Presumably. Wait, what else is there? Hmm...tacos? Yes! Add tacos. That's three, so yes, a GREAT many things.
Anyway, it's with mucho mullet-y gusto that I dive into our current number one song selection.
This is a tune that received near weekly airplay in its time, and is certainly worthy of an in-depth review. Not every song is as heartfelt and clever as this particular entry. And, because it is such an important piece of popular culture, we're going to review the whole gosh darn thing.
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| Awful Sweater>Youngest Son |
Growing Pains was a sitcom about a bland white family. For sure, must-see TV! The parents had lovely hair and consistently helpful advice. They had three kids who each rebelled in just the most non-rebellious of ways. I'm guessing, at some point, one of them tried smoking or possibly consumed a drug. Which drug? I dunno, whichever one the bad kids were doing back then. Olestra? Probably. Peer pressure is hard, just say no everyone.
They survived through tough, entitled times with the help of smiling and love and the satisfaction of knowing it would all be over in twenty-two minutes (minus commercials). They persisted! Plus, they had a world-famous actor living in their midst. That had to help in a myriad of ways.
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| Now this is a Titanic film I'd see! |
Alan Thicke played the father in this desperately milquetoast show. His pure Canadian awesomeness shone through the staidness, though, and made it worth an occasional viewing. He had layers. Outside of dispensing down home wisdom to his pasty fake progeny, Mr Thicke reached several impressive heights.
- Had his own late night talk show, Thicke of the Night
- Co-composed the theme song of both The Facts of Life and Diff'rent Strokes!!!
- Inducted into Canada's walk of fame
- The Facts of Life AND Diff'rent Strokes!!! Seriously! That's definitely worth repeating
Sadly, he didn't compose today's entry, entitled "As Long as We've Got Each Other". Think of how amazing it would have been if he did! I bet he finally would've found that rhyme for "Gretzky" the world has been searching for lo these many years. Instead, it was written by John Bettis and Steve Dorff (who, by the way, is the father of moderately successful movie actor Stephen Dorff. So many familial connections today!).
Mr Thicke didn't add his beefy, booming vocals to the performance either, unfortunately. BJ Thomas took the reins of spreading the shmaltz all over our earholes. This Thomas fella was no slouch, though, as he himself had a number one hit back in 1969 with "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head." Maybe we'll hear more about him on a future show!
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| If you're wearing a cap the raindrops can't hit your head. This song is all lies! |
Alright, let's focus on the pains that are currently growing. They grow so fast these days.
As Long as We've Got Each Other
Stanza 1
"Show me that smile again (show me that smile)
Don't waste another minute on your cryin'
We're nowhere near the end (nowhere near)
The best is ready to begin"
Summary:
There's a whole lot of telling me what to do here, and I'm not super keen on that, guys. Plus, referencing "the end" is wildly depressing. I don't care if we're nowhere near it or somewhere near it, just mentioning it bums people out. Keep your empty platitudes to yourself, smile police. Stanza Score - 8 Frowns
Stanza 2
"Oooohhh, as long as we got each other
We got the world spinnin right in our hands
Baby you and me, we gotta be
The luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin'."
Summary:
They went with four o's and three h's for "Oooohhh". How is that decided? And, how does a singer interpret that? I'm honestly curious. Oh, and "luckiest dreamer"? I'm guessing that means winning the lottery in your dreams (not in real life, of course, just your dreams). The unluckiest dreamer, I presume, just imagines really boring crap each night. So, episodes of Growing Pains, I suppose. Stanza Score - 5 o's and zero h's
Stanza 3
"As long as we keep givin'
We can take anything that comes our way
Baby, rain or shine, all the time
We got each other, sharin' the laughter and love"
Summary:
Counter to the wealth of o's and h's, this song is biased against g's. In multiple places, including twice in this section, they forgo proper English for fancy word styling. Sorry, stylin'. This feels like a way to seem cool to the kids. Hey fellow young people, watch our show! We're fast paced, and sometimes leave our g's out. That's right! Tell your friends, the first watch is free. Well, technically they all are, I suppose. Stanza Score - All the g's. All of them!
FINAL THOUGHTS
Alan Thicke - pretty cool
Growing Pains theme song - pretty not
I'm thinking the above pretty much sums it up.
However, it is a bit odd, now that I think about it, that this theme song should reach the top of the musical mountain so many years after the show went off the air. But, the hit world is a complicated place. Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes it takes decades to get your accolades. Regardless, I'm happy we could talk a little about Mr Thicke. He seemed like a good dude. And, sadly, you can't say that for every number one hit maker.
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