Steve Miller Band "Abracadabra"

*****Number One, August 29, 1982*****


If it isn't apparent yet, per my short exposition at the top of this site (and a few dozen prior blog posts within), I'm definitely a fan of lyrics.  Clever, funny, heartfelt, whatever they may be. It is far more likely I'll latch onto an artist if they're able to put together a word salad that grabs my attention, or my brain, or my guts.

The music matters also of course.  A lot.  Too much, sometimes.  I've certainly found myself on the wrong side of fandom regarding certain, immensely respected artists because I simply couldn't get past the sound.  And I get it. Yes, Bob Dylan has written some amazing songs.  And, yeah, I'm very probably missing out.  But, if it's all the same to him (and I think it is), I'd be just fine never hearing him ever again.  Nothing personal.  He's just not my cup of warmed-over warbling.

However, when it's a good tune and the songwriter nails ya right in the feels, man, there's nothing better.  A few years ago, a quirky acoustic melody I'd never heard came across my music feed.  Then the opening couplet started:

"Late afternoon, another day is nearly done
A darker grey is breaking through a lighter one"

What is this, I thought, and how can someone put together any better of a phrase to denote a miserable dark day than that?  The song, called "I Hate Winnipeg" is one of a plethora that hit me right where I live (or where I wanted to live).  I soon found myself grabbing each song from this group, The Weakerthans, and aborbing every bit of Canadian melancholy they produced into my heart and soul.  When the lead singer, John K Samson, spun off a couple of solo records, I grabbed them as well.  I mean, come on, look at this, from the song "Winter Wheat";

"Woke up in a parking lot, air mattress has gone flat
The sun's selecting targets for the shadows to attack
So make a visor with your hand, squint to where you're from
That lonely line of buildings you can block out with your thumb"

HOW DO YOU EVEN CONCEIVE TO WRITE THAT?  It totally breaks my brain.  So, so good.

I mean, good to me, obviously.  It's my blog after all.  However, everybody likes different things.  I get that.  If you don't like my music, that's fine.  It's FINE!  I don't mind.  REALLY!  Different strokes, and all those Gary Coleman-esque vibes.  It's just, well...

I mean...

The other side of the spectrum.  We all must admit, there are some terribly written songs.  And while I want to play the even-keeled adult and say "just because I don't like it doesn't mean it's bad and I didn't start this blog to slag on songs and..."

I...

I just...

Sigh...I guess I have to.

Look at this.  Just, look:

"Abra abracadabra
I wanna reach out and grab ya"

In a facepalmy world, that might be the facepalmiest thing ever

Did you read that?  DID YOU?  Here, again.

"Abra abracadabra
I wanna reach out and grab ya"

That's the chorus!  Of a number one song!!!

I mean!!!!!

Sorry for the excalamation points.  Hang on.

*Breathe*

Ok.

Grab ya?  GRAB YA!?!?  You're rhyming "cadabra" with "grab ya"?!?!?!!?!  What are you, a toddler?!?!?  I...

Apologies again.  Truly very sorry here.

Let's try and start this again.

The only acceptable form of magic

The Steve Miller Band.  Good?  Yes.  I think.  Well, they've sold a lot of records over the years, and had plenty of hits.  You, and I, likely know at least some of them.

• "The Joker"  We've all consumed it, probably on that classic rock station playing constantly while we sit and stare at the rusted out candy dispenser in the local Tube N' Lube auto repair shop.
• "Fly Like an Eagle"  Yeah, didn't some delivery company take it for their slogan?  
• "Jet Airliner"  Sounds familiar.  About planes?  I don't know, it could be a metaphor.
• "Take the Money and Run"  Uh, I'm guessing I've heard this tune.  Perhaps in a Moonlighting episode?  Miami Vice?  Er, something where Phil Collins is attempting acting.  I'm pretty sure.

Right, so, obviously, I'm not a huge fan here.  Despite my proclivity towards the rock genre, affection of the 70's style arena stuff just never gestated.  Not having an older brother nor a father in the midst of a mid-life crises further cemented a limited intake of these types of tunes.

However, I get it.  I don't dislike this band or style of rock, nor do I think it bad.  It's fine, and perfectly acceptable to have playing in the background while you fix a lawnmower or drink single syllable beers like Schlitz and Hamms.  But...

But.

This song.

The can to the right, and straight on till morning

Ok.  Let's try and go through it.  At least the starting bit.

First Stanza:
"I heat up, I can't cool down
You got me spinning, round and round
Round and round and round it goes
Where it stops nobody knows"

Now where's that facepalm gif again?

I like to imagine Steve Miller in his palatial magic-themed mansion (why not) sitting silently at a tophat-shaped desk.  A pencil waggles slowly between his thumb and forefinger, and his eyes stare vacantly at the ceiling.  He mumbles, to nobody but himself;

"Hmm, can I just say round and round and round it goes in the third verse, especially after I just said round and round in the second?  You know what?  Yes I can!  I can do anything!  I'm the space cowboy!!!"

I presume that, based on his recent work, a similar affliction has also taken over Quentin Tarantino.

To be honest, my inclination is to stop the blog post here.  Just end it.  Round and round and round it goes?  Nothing good can occur by regurgitating this repetitive nonsense.  However, before finally pulling the ripcord, I need to provide one more section.  Towards the end of the song, there's this couplet;

"Just when I think I'm gonna get away
I hear those words that you always say"

She's the one, not the narrator.  The woman you're in love with is the repugnant human being speaking this phrase.  And, she doesn't just say it, she "always" says it.

Allow me for a moment to put on my bro hat (it has the number sixty-nine on it, the bill is curled almost into a tube, and I'm wearing it backwards, naturally). 

"Dude, you need to leave this chick.  Nobody should stay with a person who always says abracadabra.  Nobody.  I don't know you, but you could do better."

<removing hat>

Aside from this song being truly awful, it also represents a terrible relationship.  How on earth did this go all the way to number one?  Oh, well, there was a video, maybe that holds a clue.

Ah, right, that

To be honest, I don't know how to end this post.  One of the worst songs ever to embed itself in my memory banks was chosen this week by the randomizer.  What did I do to deserve this?  Stuck at home during a pandemic, and the all-knowing luck-god of the internet looked my way and said in its most benevelent voice "Abracadabra, I'm gonna reach out and grab ya!"

Really?  I'm gonna reach out and grab ya?  That's what ghosts say.  Ghosts!  And stupid ghosts at that.

Thanks Steve Miller Band for introducing me to a land where dumb spirits like magic.

No wonder I want to move to Canada.

Diana Ross & The Supremes "Someday We'll Be Together"

*****Number One, December 31st, 1969*****


The last day of the 1960's.  I wasn't there for that, but I'm guessing it was quite a party.  Bigger than the Y2K celebration?  Hard to say.  Probably fewer computer glitches back then, likely more me throwing up in 1999.  That's just an estimate, of course.

From the purview of somebody on the outside looking in, that mid-century decade seems as tumultuous as any in modern times.  Even if you just focus on the music and ignore everything else occuring around the world, things were all over the map.

Great bands?  Well, sheesh take a look at this list, for one idea.  Some of the best work from the Beatles and the Stones and Dylan and Hendrix and the Beach Boys and, way, way, WAY too many more to name.  Truly an amazing era.

Though, of course, there was a downside to the times.

Biggest single, "Our White Van has no Windows"

More specific than that sub genre of Renaissance-Pedophile (Ren-Ped as the kids say, which of course they only say while running as quickly as possible in the opposite direction) is the hippie movement.  I realize many people hold these folks and their music in very high esteem.  I, however, have a lifelong aversion to the smells, the style, and the sounds of it.  Call me "the man" or some such nonsense if you must, but seeing a tie-dyed white guy with dreadlocks muse in immense detail about a certain twenty-seven minute keyboard solo makes me lose my collective palate for freedom.  The tunes were hokey and meandering and utterly ridiculous.  If you believe in balance, it leveled quite evenly the mastery being displayed by actual musicians on the other end of the spectrum.

That contrast feels like a major component of the times.  Look at the two big music festivals as well; Woodstock and Altamont.

One of these was considered the apex of the summer of love.  The other could have, legitimately, been called the winter of death.  I admonish Altamont fairly, I believe, based on the facts.  I am not foisting hatred on that land for personal reasons. 

Though I could. 

You see, I had to drive through it's boring, windmill-clad terrain a half-a-kajillion times growing up.  I grew up in the crappy town right next door.  And, to go east into even crappier lands, we had to travel through the never-ending sorriness of Altamont.  It's an unpleasant memory, one which I hold the hippies responsible.  Perhaps unfairly.  Nah.

It blows

Another bit of contradiction of the 1960's pertains to the band The Supremes.  During this decade, the hugely talented singing group made their first appearance.  And, over the course of those years, they accumulated a dozen number one hits. 

That's good! 

They didn't have a chart topper again.  Ever. 

That's bad.

Today's randomized top hit selection, "Someday We'll Be Together", was their twelfth and final song to reach the summit.  It held that slot for one week before disappearing, along with The Supreme's top tune mojo, into the brown morass that was the 1970's.

I didn't recognize this song at all by name, and upon listening to it, I still don't know it. Certainly this single never reached the heights of popularity nor managed as long a shelf life as the prior hits they made.  You could probably assume it did so well as a result of their already well-deserved fame, and not necessarily on its own merits.  Many artists have songs that overachieve simply because there are so many fans that love their work.  I don't mean that as a negative, just an observation.

So, "Someday We'll Be Together" was the summation of their hits.  It wasn't, however, the summary.  It really doesn't represent the complete entirety of these hot dozen tunes.  Each was a part of the puzzle, but there isn't one song that represents all the chart time they had.

Until now.

Supreme Leader leisure wear, now half off!

Making the Supreme Number One:

1. Take the lyrics from every number one Supremes song
2. Place them all in a word cloud thing-a-ma-bobber
3. Parse the text to get a list of the most used terms
4. Create genius!

It's almost too easy.  The only struggle is about how to structure the most perfect pop song.  Do I put the most repeated words into the chorus, or start them at the top?  It's the question every song-smith worth their salt in history has considered. 

Upon much reflection, I've settled on inserting top words into the chorus.  This is what the scores of fans will grab hold of and sing along to over and over again.  In fact, screw the rest of the song.  My supreme number one will only have a title and a chorus.  No verses!  No bridge!  Heck, no music even. Why bother.  Like Shakespeare said, it's the words dummy!

Always classy that guy.

Without further ado, please enjoy the most Supreme song of all.  It's title, unsurprisingly, is "Love".  That word is spoken 101 times total over the course of the prior dozen smashes!  Seems like a popular subject.  Please enjoy, and sing along if you know the words.

(You know the words)

Love
by The Supremes (sort of)
Baby, ooh, now see just heart
Come cause think, keep life said
Child arms got need, time
Wanna hurry away?  Leave?
Gone

Thank you for your applause.  All of those words were used more than ten times each across all songs.  A second tune using the less popular text in the list will someday be created and sold as the B-Side.  It will not be listened to at all.  Thinking I should still do it.  Right.  Right?

Sigh.  Nuff said.

Ringo Starr "Photograph"

*****Number One, November 25th, 1973*****


We're back, and what a way to return!  This week's number one hit is from a member of what many people would consider the number one band in the history of music.  What luck!  What a treat, why I...wait...what's that noise?

Oh, there's an elephant in the room, steadily tapping his foot on the ground.  Strange.

Anyway, today we get to look at a top song from nonother than Ringo Starr.  While I haven't listened to much of his solo stuff, I'm sure...it...is...hang on.

Now the elephant is jumping up and down, blowing his trunk and flapping his weird ears to and fro.  Quite a racket.  He's certainly making himself known!

Regardless, this tune reached the top of the chart for one week in the winter of 1973.  It was the lead single on his eponymous album, and was, um...

Oh cripes, the elephant is charging me.  Here it comes!!!

The, uh, the song is titled...

Crap, it's almost here!

Titled..."Photograph".

AHHH!!  OK!!! STOP!!  HERE, TAKE IT!  THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, ISN'T IT???!!!?!?!?!

Stupid elephant

Sigh, yes, thank you, I know.

Def Leppard, one of the top-selling bands of my youth also happened to have a quite popular song with the same title.  And, due to the distinction of growing up in a house with an incredibly paltry music collection (one small drawer holding perhaps a dozen dusty tapes of artists long past their peak), my window of knowledge on the subject was severly lacking.  I'd barely heard the Beatles, and certainly nothing of the spinoff showcases.

So, when a friend of my sister passed on to me a record (yes, record) of the awesomely explodey-looking Pyromania by some band with a goofy name written in a dagger-like font, well, only then were the seeds of musical understanding planted.  And, of course, they were fertilized with Aqua Net and lyrics about the gudelines of adding sweetner to strippers.

You know, for kids!

Not to sound negative about these guys or their photographin'!  This album did, and still largely does, rock.  Def Leppard were a reasonably cromulent arena band, and certainly had enough chops to hammer out a respectable career.  I think they would have succeeded with our without the hair-metal explosion that soon came to pass.  No disrespect intended.

But, you know, the Beatles!  I mean, I should have at least once been told that Ringo had a number one hit of the same name.  Somebody along the way must've known.  A teacher, a neighbor, the Solid Gold dancers.  Seriously, who raised me?  Is this why I'm like this?

Yeah, probably.

Oh, and this.

Same

So, I have absolutely no connection to a song that actually gave its name to his greatest hits collection and is considered one of the very best of all the post-Beatles music.  Plus, the tune's name only brings about thoughts of Union Jack T-shirts and a truckload of whoa-oh's.  Great, I'm a dummy.

Well, the only thing I can think of doing is to compare the lyrics of this apparent classic to the firmly brain-engrained Def Leppard version in a no-holds barred grudge match to see which truly is the better song.  Right?  That seems fair.  To a dummy.

Which, as established, I am.

!!!PHOTGRAPHIC GRUDGE MATCH!!!

Ringo Starr versus Def Leppard

Opening Stanza

Starr                                                                                       

"Ev'ry time I see your face

It reminds me of the places we used to go

But all I got is a photograph

And I realise you're not coming back anymore"

Leppard
"I'm outta luck, outta love
Got a photograph, picture of
Passion killer, you're too much
You're the only one I wanna touch"

Ringo has the feels, and Def is feeling horny.  Seems about right.  Let's next pick out a coupling from each that seems to be the crux of the respective song and consider those one by one.

Starr
"Now you're expecting me to live without you, but that's not something I'm looking forward to."
Sad, poignent, heartfelt.

Leppard
"Look what you've done to this rock n' roll clown, look what you've done."
I've heard all I need.

The winner.  Don't look so surprised.

Thus, without hearing lick one from this chart topping hit, I'm pronouncing it better than the version I've heard eight million times.  Is that fair?  Sure, why not.  Nostalgia is for suckers and soccer moms anyway.  Change with the times!  Live and let die! 

And, uh, don't refer to yourself as a rock n' roll clown.  You'll never beat a Beatle that way.

Stupid elephant.

Year Two Preview

Now, where was I.

What?  I mean, when I left off.

Wait, how long has it been?

Almost nine months!

Wow.  Boy, if anything had happened in the world during this time, like, say, some awful, contagious pot roast had taken it upon its meaty self to sicken and/or murder thousands and thousands of people, that would have been terrible.  And, in that case, you would have been totally forgiven for forgetting about this blog.  But, luckily, that didn't happen.

Sniff.

I'm fine.  FINE!

Anywho, yeah, we're doing this again.

Number one songs don't just stop, ya know.  They keep coming and coming and coming!  And, someone needs to take them apart and see what makes them tick.  That person, apparently, is me.  No, I don't know why either.

However, unfortunately, we no longer have a partner in this escapade.  The Single File Podcast has gone the way of the Misfits of Science and Yugo dealerships, having been carried away to a farm upstate so that they can run free and enjoy their remaining days.  Remember, no good thing ever dies.  Especially quotes from decent but highly over-obsessed-about films.  Those go on forever, sadly.

So, since we've got no audio brother with top notch early 80's technology (RIP NOPR) to dictate the next hit on the jukebox, we've got to figure out another way to restart this train.  Fortunately, the machinations of automation are providing the answers again.  I present to you all; Random.org.

Yep, we'll be looking at the top songs of music history, selected entirely by chance.  I put a date range into the above website, beginning with the date of the very first chart topper of the Hot 100 era (August 4th, 1958) and ending with today.  Each post will be about whatever tune happens to be number one on the day that gets spat out by this series of ones and zeroes.

Welp, it's as good a way as any.

With all that said, welcome back.  And, let's press play!