The Monkees "I'm a Believer"

*****Number One, December, 1966*****


Well, dang.

When our friends over at the Single File podcast let the cat out of the bag last weekend about the planned number one hit for this week, I was psyched. 

Like a lot of kids of my generation, I adored The Monkees.  It didn't matter that their show and music had been formulated by corporate executives or released decades earlier.  The whole lot of it felt new and awesome and highly entertaining.  Many a lazy after-school afternoon found me slowly poking around the dozen or so television channels at my disposal, hoping against hope for a random episode to appear before me.  It was simply the best thing the TV could deliver. 

Thus, immediately after getting word about "I'm a Believer" being chosen by our friendly neighborhood NOPR, I started assessing bloggy ideas.

Then, just a few days ago, we learned about the passing of one of the four band members.  The talented and quirky bassist Peter Tork has, unfortunately, sadly, died.  Suffice it to say, this event had an impact beyond inconveniencing my silly little corner of the internet.  To put it absurdly mildly, a lot of folks felt depressed and down with this loss.  And, you can count me among them.

I just couldn't post a "serious" pic here.  This feels more appropriate

In the days since, this whole world wide web thing has been chock full of stories about Peter Tork.  Essays about the man, his career, The Monkees, and other contributions have popped up in a plethora of places, many of which draw significantly more eyeballs than this blog does.  That's been reassuring, as it is really nice to see him remembered so fondly.  And, I've been pleased about it for another, totally selfish reason.

I don't wanna.

You see, I'm really not good with this sort of thing.  So, I've decided to let those other, professional, researched (that's a thing?) sites do the heavy lifting in that regard.  They can talk about the sticky wicket that is "real life", and I will let them have that honor.  Congratulations!  You get to spend your word count on a colossal bummer.  Here at the breakdown, we're just gonna stick to the music and have fun.  Sorry news people!  That's what you get for, I don't know, needing a paycheck!  Suckers.

And no, we're not taking applications here.  Pfft, reporters.

Right, so, shall we start monkeying around?

One Monkee, one monkey

I've picked out four original songs from The Monkees catalogue for perusal today.  Of these, two have a writing credit for Peter, while the other two contain his lead vocals.  There's a lot I could've chosen, of course.  Everyone has their favorites.  But, I thought these show the impressive range of his creativity, and are also ones I remember quite fondly. 

Let's begin with something Tork-voiced and a touch absurd.

"Your Auntie Grizelda"
This tune is one that you could probably consider completely on point for the character of  Peter in the show.  Weird and wacky, both in vibe and lyrically, I remember it playing over several of their kooky action sequences.  It stood out, like he did, in an unassuming and endearing way.  I've always liked it, and feel it could sound right at home with somebody like Jonathan Coulton performing it.  A recent live performance, found here, shows that like most of these songs, it still has some legs.
Favorite stanza
You can't begrudge her style, your auntie Grizelda
She couldn't budge a smile and do it for free
So righteous making fudge, your auntie Grizelda
So proper judging others over her tea.

"Shades of Gray"
Quite, quite different from the above release.  This song, a somber duet with Davey Jones (also, sadly, RIP), comes across initially like a standard acoustic ballad.  But the lyrics are a bit heavier than some of the more saccharine slow james that the tiny Brit would normally take lead on.  Inching more towards growing up and morality, it's a bit too earnest, but still pretty solid.  And, I definitely remember "playing piano" along to this song as a kid by pressing the buttons on my parent's weird stereo cabinet.  For whatever that's worth.
Chorus
But today there is no day or night
Today there is no dark or light
Today there is no black or white
Only shades of gray

"Goin' Down"
Oh man, this song.  I love this song!  Penned by the full band, it ranks high on my list of favorites alongside the equally manic "No Time".  This tune is so much fun, and the lyrics an utterly massive word salad that is nearly impossible to decipher (without e-help, of course).  It just keeps going and going and tells a great story.  Mickey takes the lead, and he was probably the best choice.  He doesn't sing it so much as just speed talk through it, which is fine in this case.  I'd love to know how "Goin' Down" came together (and who contributed what).  Such a Monkees classic!
Opening Line(!)
Floatin' down the river with a saturated liver...

"For Pete's Sake"
Always the most depressing song.  Why?  It signaled the episode was over.  Those first few licks of Mike Nesmith's guitar twang always told me that, sorry bub, your thirty minutes of fun are done.  Time to get up, do some chores, some homework some...thing.  Blarg.  Co-written by Peter, its lyrics are very much of the late sixties (love, freedom, etc).  To me though, they'll always just mean the end.
Summary
Sigh, the end.

I never wanted to get off the couch either

FINAL THOUGHTS
"I'm a Believer" is a great song that would've been easy to talk about for a lengthy post.  Obviously, that wasn't meant to be this time.  If you're a fan of The Monkees and/or Peter Tork, I'm sure you understand the narrative shift. 

If you aren't a fan of this band, apologies for not talking about this week's song itself.  Although, to be honest, I almost never get in depth of any song.  I mean, have you read this blog?  One week I tried to sync up 1991 one-hit wonders with commercial endorsements.  Seriously, I don't really write about music, if you haven't figured that out yet.  Remember when I translated a pop-hit through ten different languages?   Exactly.  Don't expect too much, my friends.

At any rate, RIP Peter Tork.  You'll be missed by a great many.  Thank you for making my childhood a touch more cheerful and musical.  That is a monumental achievement, by any standard of measure.

Beck "Loser"

*****Number One (Alternative Chart), February, 1994*****


Good news everyone, my Amazon delivery finally arrived.  It's been a long time coming.  I think I ordered the item in, what, 1997?  Yeah, that's about right.  Apparently it took them nearly two decades to catch up on the backlog of purchases.  I know, everyone wants a memory eraser, but still kind of poor customer service if you ask me.  But it is nice that it eventually showed up.  And, to be fair, it's actually my fault.  I really should've signed up for prime sooner.  Plus, Amazon only sold books back then.  So, they didn't even stock the thing I bought.  Whoops.

Eh, live and learn.

Hmm, now what was I getting jiggy with again?

Anywho, I started playing with my new whatsit and I gotta say, it's a bit touchy.  I first tried to blank out the memory of the clerk at the liquor store so that she'd stop recognizing me (it's my drinking problem, not our drinking problem Mandy, thank you very much).  Unfortunately, I didn't point the device at her exactly right and it just made her forget that the country of Bolivia existed.  Otherwise, no change. 

I left the store promptly with bourbon in hand amid clerk concerns about my consumption as well as her family's heritage (apparently her mother was born in "some place that I've never heard of" which is also certainly not my problem).  From there, I popped into a pet store and tried again.  Sadly, poor aim did the experiment in once more.  I barely grazed the stock boy (who immediately lost knowledge of both pickles and Milana Vayntrub, the poor guy).  Even worse, the flash reflected off a fish tank and nailed a cat perched nearby.  Don't worry, though, it still remembered to be surly.  Cause it's a cat.

From there I just came home.  Looking at this weird thingy now, I'm just not sure quite how to work it.  The instructions don't make a lot of sense.  Why did they let Tommy Lee Jones write them?  It feels like he just pasted pages out of some screenplay in here interspersed with some incredibly long-winded hand-written vulgarity about what a dumb villain Two-Face is (which, yeah). 

Apparently I've got to figure out this on my own.  Hmm, maybe if I just push this butto...

A flash?  I scored a goal!  No, wait, that doesn't happen

Where am I?  Oh, this week's blog entry.  Jeez, I better put the eraser down and begin writing, it's getting late. Now, who's this week's number one?  Beck?

Huh, never heard of him.

That's right.  NEVER!

Anyway, guess this guy is some new singer that just broke through with his first big hit.  Well, good for him.  It's tough to make it to the top, especially with your initial release.  Let's take a look at him and start the review!

Awe man, one of these

Great, appears to be that we're dealing with yet another hipster millennial.  I'm trying to not be mean here, but you don't have to be all knit cap and un-combed hair and snapchat and avocado toast and being young.  Be different!  Hmph, not off to a good start here, Mr Beck.  Oh, wait, that's your first name?

Yes, of course it is.

Right, so, let's move on to the song.  Hearing it the for the first time, I'll say that it's a catchy tune for sure.  But, we need to examine the words to gain a firm grasp on the quality of this music.  Let's take a gander at the first lyrical section.

Stanza 1
In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey
Butane in my veins is I'm out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
Kill the headlights and put in neutral
Stock car flamin' with a loser and the cruise control
Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D
Got a couple of couches sleep on the love seat

I know, Charlie, I know

FINAL THOUGHTS
Maybe I'm too cynical.  Perhaps this Beck guy will prove to be a musical genius with decades of hits and piles of accolades.  Could be that someday even I will be moderately impressed with his talent, somehow liking a tune or two down the road.  But, dude, come on.  Step out of 2019 and be yourself.  You don't need to be all weird for the sake of being weird.  Yes, being different brings attention.  The thing is, everybody tries that.  It's not a recipe for long-term success. 

Instead, focus on writing something both new and, oh I don't know, good.  Doesn't mean you can't still be creative.  Use new instruments if you want!  Heck, try two turntables rather than one.  Grab a microphone too!  Be crazy.  Just be your best crazy.

That all said, this is very much a unique and rare type of radio smash.  Nonsensical, and somewhat with its own genre, it doesn't fit in a lot of boxes.  There is certainly something to be said for that.  Still, not sure if this is a song that reached the pinnacle because folks recognize what may be an emerging and exciting artist, or if people just like goofiness now and again.  Only time will tell.  If I had to wager, well, this Berck, er, I mean Beck, would probably not like where my dollars landed.  Sorry dude.  I could always be wrong, of course.

Now, back to that memory eraser.  Pretty sure I'll figure out how to use it.  What's the worst that could happen?  I forget who the president is?  Right.  Nobody's that lucky.

TLC "No Scrubs"

*****Number One, April, 1999*****


(Don't post a pic of the show Scrubs)
(Don't post a pic of the show Scrubs)
(Don't post...)

Wha?  Was I typing that out loud?!?  Oh, jeez, that's so very embarrassing.  Now you know where my brain thingy goes first, and just what sort of microscopic-level link I'm willing to exploit to fill content on this blog.

I mean, yes, the name of the song and that cheezy sitcom are virtually the same.  Thus, it is the easiest, shortest path to an image I could possibly take here.  So it would be perfectly understandable (if tremendously lazy) for me to post a gif here of Zach Braff or the guy from Office Space or whatever, despite literally no other connection to this week's tune.

But would it?  Maybe I can find something, anything, to pair this late nineties hit and 2K comedy show.  Perhaps there might be a wormhole we can travel down to find a story that's amazing and shocking and...

No.  Full stop.

Unless!  How about we take a look one more time and...

No.  Nothing.  Sigh.

Alright, fine, fair enough.  I'm going to take responsibility here to be better.  We're not gonna go lowest common denominator.  Instead, let's chat just about TLC's chart topper and give it the deep-study it deserves.  It's a good song!

How 'bout we start with the lyrics?  That seems like a serious, thoughtful, not shortcutty thing to do.  Right, so:

Verse 1
A scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly
And is also known as a Buster

Hang on.

I admit, I have a problem

Look, music can touch us in a great many ways.  Inspiration, sadness, belonging, longing, hope, and countless other feelings can come from the songs we listen to.  When you hear a tune, the way you identify with it and process it is an entirely personal process.  And, the end result is an entry within your mental database that is completely unique with a fully formed sense of opinion.

And in addition to that, whenever a random moment brushes up against that bit of lyric, a connection is born.  The tune becomes suddenly attached to a bunch of other pieces from that person's life.  The references can generate and multiply and go on and on for just one release.  It's an amazing thing, really.

Why do I feel compelled to mention the above?  Because "No Scrubs", and to be honest, TLC as a whole, holds absolutely no spot in my noggin.  None.

Pretty much every review of the band and this song is positive, and I totally can see why.  They had a great sound and put out a handful of clever and catchy releases which were highly regarded.  Their approach and look set them apart from the rest of the late nineties scene.  It's really easy to listen to this week's top hit and immediately think, yeah, I see why this was so popular.  That definitely isn't something that can be said for every number one we've been dealt.

However, all that said, I've got nothing here.  I existed in a totally separate world from this song as I drunkenly stumbled through my twenties.  It didn't make an impact on me in any way.  And, hearing it now, I have to say, well, nothing has changed.

My head pockets are empty.

Scrub-like behavior?

No disrespect is intended here at all.  Although, as I ruminate a bit more, I do have to wonder why I'm not getting some sort of feeling listening to this band.  I mean, we've had artists like Ke$ha and Donovan on our list so far.  Neither of their hits were pointed in my direction, but both of them stimulated some sort of reaction, whether it be amusement or downright contempt (dumb, stupid Superman).  TLC just isn't bringing any sort of thing out of me.  I wonder...

Hmm, I just...wait...hmm...

WAIT....

No, don't say it. DON'T SAY IT!!!

Am I...a scrub?  Is that why I don't care about this song?  What the hell is going on here, TLC?  My god.

Oh great, now I did this.  Maybe I am a scrub!

We need to find a computer or something to figure this out.  This is serious!  Isn't there some kind of test or quiz or exam I can take to figure this out?!?!  Somehow I need to be evaluated!

SCRUB EVALUATION

Are you a scrub?
PART I - Give yourself one scrub point for each of the following if you;

• Think you're fly
• Talk about what you want
• Sit on your broke ass
• Hang out the passenger side of your best friend's ride trying to holler

Hoo boy.  Um, I don't think I'm fly.  I do talk about what I want, though that usually only concerns burritos and beer.  And I can afford those, thank you very much.  Regarding the last item, let's see, best friend, hanging your head out a car...my dog is a scrub!  Damn Ollie!  I never knew.  I'm in the clear, but my furry friend clearly needs a talking to.  SCRUB POINTS - ONE

PART II - Give yourself two scrub points for each of the following chorus items, if you;

• Don't have a car and you're walking
• Live at home with your mamma
• Have a shorty but don't show love
• Wanna get with TLC but have no money

Ok, I have a car AND I don't live with my mamma.  Plus, as established above, my ass is positively fixed with beer and burrito cash.  Now, do I have a shorty?  Pulease.  Look how long this blog entry is!  That's right, they don't call that one writer guy Longfellow for no reason.  Well, it's because his name is Longfellow.  That's a reason!!!  SCRUB POINTS - NONE

TOTAL SCRUB SCORE - 8.33% (1 of 12 possible points)

SCRUB RATING - Non-Buster

Whew, I think I'm safe.  Guess I'll do some hollerin'.  I'm sure it will be well received.  Oh ladies...

Yikes, I'm a scrub now, aren't I?  

Michael Damian "Rock On"

******Number One, June, 1989*****


This week's number one tune is unusual in that it gained fame two separate times, and in the hands of two different artists. 

Originally, in 1973, famed British singer and actor David Essex released it.  Apparently, the people thought that song the bee's knees, and before you knew it, Bob's your uncle, it became the ace of the UK charts.  Clearly folks thought it brilliant, and there's no doubt Mr Essex felt well chuffed with the experience.

FYI, I may have pilfered some of those terms.  Bollocks.

Every Brit is snickering at this right now.  If only they were classy like us.

Sixteen years after "Rock On" initially left people gobsmacked and knackered, American Michael Damian took a turn, recording and releasing his own version.  And, in doing so, he did what mister knickers couldn't quite do; reach number one in the states.  USA!  USA!  USA!

See, this is why they're Brexiting and we're not. 

I'm pretty sure that's the reason.  I mean, uh, I guess it is.  Ok, I don't know for sure.  Brexit sounds really bad though, right?  Why are they doing it?  Does it have something to do with their elected leader being a racist and ignorant circus peanut?  Because, well, uh, that's a bit of a problem, at least on our side of the Atlantic.  So, wait, who's worse off?

Sigh, let's call it a draw.  A big, fat, imminently depressing draw.

Kirk Van Houten is the metaphor for politics in 2019.  Yikes. 

In looking a bit deeper at both singers, it became apparent there are a lot of similarities between them.  Aside from getting a lot of airplay for the same song, they also follow somewhat similar career trajectories.

Screen Things
David Essex starred in the movie That'll Be the Day alongside rock luminaries Ringo Starr and Keith Moon.  Michael Damian worked in soap opera The Young and the Restless for twelve years.  Both things are pretty cool.  I mean, yeah, The Beatles and The Who are all-timers.  But were there any long lost twins?  Separated-at-birth murder fantasies?  The relish.  The RELISH!  Yeah, thought not. 

Stage Things
David appeared in the West End onstage in Evita, while Michael did  Joseph and the Amazing Technicolar Dreamcoat on Broadway.  Both impressive achievements.  Or, so I'm told.  I'm not great with musical knowledge.  And, to be honest, I'm still bummed that those songs Luke Skywalker sing weren't really in Guys and Dolls.  What a waste.

Cool Things
The fine sir Essex was named "Officer of the Order of the British Empire", which seems like a pretty big deal.  How can Mr Damian compete with that?  Oh, just by marrying the daughter of James Best. 

That's right, THE JAMES BEST!

Who's that you ask?  Well, you stupid millennial, just Rosco P Coltraine, the greatest cop this side of Barney Fife.

Get those Duke boys!  Their car doors don't even work.

So, yeah, winner winner, American dinner.

But, we don't need to stop there.  Surprisingly, there's even more oddly-connected awesomeness than the remarkableness of the above.  This song has lived on (or rocked on, I suppose I should say) in many other ways. 

Musically, it has a lengthy history with a multitude of other artists doing their own versions.  Def Leppard, Smashing Pumpkins, Blondie, even Toni Basil(!) have taken turns rocking on in their own distinguished way. 

It has also been used in a wide range of flicks, from the horror movie The Devil's Rejects to the seldom-seen yet remarkably-casted comedy Dick (Will Ferrell, Harry Shearer, Ryan Reynolds, and TWO Kids in the Hall!).  The Sopranos also shoehorned it into a particular episode.

And, then, there are the Corey's. 

There's a lot that can be said about those guys, more than we have time for today.  Suffice it to say, this week's song certainly had its greatest impact at about the same time they did.  And, getting to include them in the same post as a Beatle and a Deadpool pretty much sums up popular culture, I think.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Before starting this post, I figured that I'd spend most of the writing about Dream a Little Dream, the Corey's film that helped carry this song to number one.  Instead, I got wrapped up in the singers themselves, and what connections a number one hit can sometimes forge.  It was a fun path to take, and somewhat interesting, I think.  However, I am slightly disappointed in omitting a discussion of the movie.

You see, I never saw Dream a Little Dream, and I really had no idea what it was about.  I assumed, based on the attractive girl on the film's poster, that this was some sort of teenage John Hughes-esque romantic comedy.  And then, I read the film's description.

Wow.

So, instead of rating "Rock On" or Michael Damian or David Essex or anything else, I'm going to end today's rambling by pasting just the first paragraph from the Wikpedia entry of this movie.  It's bizarre and all over the place.  And, in a way, it represents the twists and turns songs can take after it leaves the hands of its creator.  I like that.  And, I've really got to see this movie.  It truly sounds like the bee's knees.

"Bobby Keller (Corey Feldman) is a slacker high school student who, while running through a short cut through a backyard in his neighborhood one night, collides with Lainie Diamond (Meredith Salenger), over whom Bobby has recently been obsessing. During the collision, elderly professor Coleman Ettinger (Jason Robards) is performing a meditation exercise in the yard with his wife Gena (Piper Laurie), theorizing that if he and his wife can enter a meditative alpha state together voluntarily, they will be able to live together forever. However, just as the Ettingers are on the verge of completing their meditation experiment, the teenagers' collision renders both teens unconscious, enacting a type of body switch between the four characters"

Yeah.  Rock on indeed.