*****Number One, September 1st, 1990*****
After last week's subterfuge, perpetrated by a pair of sneaky Dutch fakeout artists, I feel the need to right a wrong. You see, I was tricked by some gouda-loving hucksters into believing that their single week atop the charts had been the work of a true underdog-type one-hit-wonder. Scant memories of the tune lead me down a dusty country road where I hoped to find momentary brilliance in a unique cabin. Instead, the path turned out to be an eight-lane superhighway, and I quickly discovered a monstrosity of a dwelling at its end.
This number one song was built on lies, not creativity. And, the lincoln logs used in the construction were stuffed with gold and genius, not hard work and stick-to-itiveness. They cheated, using Beatles-rated materials to assemble their hit, and I want revenge.
Some day, I will get it. Yes, I will. Some day.
Anyway, for now, I'd got a blog to blog. So, in lieu of the last post's disappointment, I decided from the outset of this enty that I would only select a true needle in the haystack. I just had to hope that the randomizer would dump at least one of these among the almost-weekly five-pack I request of it. And, fortunately, it did. Barely.
This meant that, sadly, and perhaps unfairly, some of these top tunes I received would have to be immediately discarded. I wouldn't even consider whether or not they had value. A good, Breakdown-worthy song might have to be flushed, all because of the work of some Holland charlatans (Hollatans). I hope these rejected artists take out their anger at the transgressors with all the swift fury that world-famous musicians should have about not having some nonsense about them typed out by me and read by nearly a full dozen people. They really hate that.
Apropos of this, here are the mega-stars that I won't be chatting about this time.
*June 20, 1971*
Carole King "It's Too Late / I Feel the Earth Move"
*July 11, 1988*
Cheap Trick "The Flame"
*April 12, 2018*
Drake "God's Plan"
Thus, you missed out on possibly hearing the whimsical anecdote of mine about being second row at a Cheap Trick concert when they opened for Winger (yes, Winger) at a theme part amphitheater and their nutty guitarist Rick Nielson threw picks by the handful out to the crowd and despite me being so close I didn't get one and it would be years and years later before I caught anything like that at a rock show.
Oh, wait, guess you've heard it now. Huh. Well, hope the Dream Police didn't hit number one, or I'm sunk.
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| No wonder he had so many picks |
This left me two lesser-known chart toppers to choose from. Lucky for me, one bowed out because of a technicality.
*January 4, 1963*
The Tornados "Telstar"
This is actually a pretty cool song, especially considering the date it came out. It has sort of a sci-fi meets surf style, and is definitely evocative of the subject matter (Telstar was what the first communication satellites were called). And, the band's name is freaking great. The Tornados! Yeah, I'd totally by that shirt if they had some merch.
Alas, I couldn't pick them as the official song o' the week. It seems that this fun ditty is an instrumental. While that makes it extra impressive to reach the summit, it also disqualifies it from selection. As you might have noticed, near the top of this site's crappily designed banner, I make mention of the importance of lyrics. If it isn't immediately obvious by the depth of my rambling to date, I'm a word guy. The music is great, but I need some text to get me through.
And then, there was one.
Thus, with three tunes disqualified and one, um, not qualifed, we're going to take a look at the last toy in the box. That is, the hottest hit from the first day of September some thrty years ago, Sweet Sensation's "If Wishes Came True."
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| This is just seconds before being beamed up, apparently |
This begs the question...who? Cause I really have no idea. And I should! This song was on the airwaves as I was in prime music assimilation mode. Though my preferences at the time took me more to the rock and/or roll side of things, I still consumed enough radio and television to at least be aware of pretty much everything. It was close to around the time I began wasting my life as a music/video store clerk (yes I saw Clerks and felt so seen you guys! I'm not even supposed to be here today either!!!). Anyway, Sweet Sensation? That's a big nope.
Perfect.
That allows me to take a fresh look at what I can only assume are fresh-faced ladies singing about fresh wishes coming true. Or, something to that effect. At any rate, I think that this all calls for a fresh review of the lyrics of this tune in a truly non-fresh way. Yup, we're going with immediate read and response! The first of the season!!!
I played this game a few times in the first year of the Breakdown (initially, I believe with, Kesha), and it's a fun/easy way to get to know a tune. The process is, I bring up in a separate tab the words of a song that I don't know at all. Then, I get all sorted and comfortable here in the blog window. I copy/paste stanzas from the lyrics into the text, read them for the first time, and add my immediate impression. I feel like it's an honest way to respond to something new. And it's totally not a way for me talk about a song that has little-to-no information in Wikipedia.
Certainly not.
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| Like this, but with lazy |
So, here we go. This should be sweet! See what I did there? Of course you did. Never mind.
If Wishes Came True
- All alone silence fills my room
- Same. The dog is asleep
- But in a memory, I hear you calling me
- Hmm, ok, so, is it a memory of someone calling you? Or, is it a person calling you today from that memory? Is it your memory? I hope this is explained
- Close my eyes and I'm there with you
- It is technically impossible to remember anything with your eyes open. This checks out.
- Like it was yesterday, but then fades away
- Maybe, when the memory calls, you should write it down. Like the Memento guy! You see that film? Oh, you don't remember? Of course you don't.
Early returns, eh, not good. Kind of Inceptiony, so maybe there will be a neat twist. Second stanza:
- Take me back, turn back the hands of time
- You're asking the memory to do this? Or...
- When you kissed me in the warm September rain
- Warm September rain? Look, I'm sorry the syllable count for June, July, and August didn't work for you. But, try a bit harder, especially for those of us in the northwest. My flanned-covered arms are crossed at your dialogue
- Back before my heart was filled with pain
- Alright, jeez, guess I've been a little hard on you. Maybe it was actually warm in that particular September. Sorry. I hope you feel better
- If only we could be in love that way again
- Man, this song is surprisingly not very sweet
Ok, well, this is a bummer. Maybe the chorus will give us something to grab hold of.
- If wishes came true,
- Then all the dreams at night of love were real, I'd be holding you
- If wishes came true,
- Then I would be that someone always special in your heart and we would still be lovers, not apart
- If wishes came true
- Um, hang on. I'll be right back.
<watches music video, vomits into own mouth>
Right, sooooo, that show at the amusement park! Winger and Cheap Trick! Yeah, that was a good concert. Potentially. Maybe. Possibly. I mean, rollercoasters and hairspray and leather pants (the band, not me). How could it not be a good time?
Sigh.
This week's song, and video, are decidely not. It exudes all the cheesy words, slow-motion wind-machine aided dancing, and awful late-eighties synthesizer that this era foisted on the masses. It really is quite dreadful, and well worthy of being lost to history. It's just...oh look, sailboats! These bland and priviledged actors and singers are traipsing around a waterway. Egads. Maybe I was too hard on the Dutch.
Hmm.
Nah.
But I shouldn't have let them get to me. Clearly! Next time, I won't pick a song out of spite. Especially if wishes are involved. They are, quite literally, not a sweet sensation.
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| If you need a Winger image, you might as well Britta it |
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