"Hey, I know that song!"
"Do you?"
"Yes!"
"Do you really?"
"Yes?"
"You don't sound sure"
"I thought I did, but now I'm not certain. It sounds familiar."
"Lots of things sound familiar. Like Yahoo Serious"
"Yes, that does sound familiar too."
"See?"
"You're right, I really don't know this song."
"But maybe you do?"
The above transcript brought to you by the voices in my head. This blog makes much more sense now, doesn't it?
Right, so, anyway, where are we heading this week? Oh yeah, let's go uptown.
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| This is why I never became a mechanic. |
Ok, I know the above is from a different part of uptown. We're not visiting that neighborhood this week, which is where Billy Joel's girl lives. Instead, I'm off to find the funk.
Sorry, funk! This entry's title has an exclamation point, so you know this tune must be extremely exciting. And I feel it! I'm ready, and might just end every sentence from here on out with an exclamation point! Or two!!
Guh, never mind, I'm already exhausted from all that commotion. Let's keep our punctuation at an even keel from here on out instead. I'm too old to go exclaiming all over the place. Leave that flashy syntax to funk-bringers and wrench-singers, just like my junior high English teacher always advised.
At any rate, let's talk about this song. UpTown Funk was a massive hit, topping the charts for an incredible fourteen weeks. Any tune that stays in the public's eye that long must be known by pretty much everyone.
Stands to reason that a song that pops up for one week can reach the top on the backs of the folks who really like that style of music. If all those people buy the song over such a short time period, it will push it to the summit. But, anyone not a fan of that style likely won't be pulled in, and the song will crash in popularity after it peaks.
But when you're undefeated for over three months? Yeah, pretty much everyone's heard of it. Which begs the question;
Even me?
The answer to that is essentially unknown at this moment. As illustrated at the top of this post, I'm just not sure if I know this number or not. I feel like I should, and probably do, but I can't summon it from my brainage. Surely, there must at least be some parts I've heard.
But, is that enough? How many parts of a song must you be familiar with to consider it a song you know? I don't know what that rule is.
So, let's find out how much I really know about this song, and what that much even means.
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| You know what's funky? Reading the newspaper. Holla. |
Right, so, bear with me here. So far, I've twice attempted to "live blog" the lyrics of previously unknown (to me) tunes. That experience ranged from Crunky to Super-Junkie. This entry will be reviewed similarly, but not exactly the same.
Like the prior times, I will pull the meatiest stanzas of words from this hit out of the interwebs and paste them below, section-by-section. However, in this case I'll be adding a value to each grouping signifying whether or not I've heard it before. When I'm finished, we'll have a score of my funky knowledge. Then, at the end, we can assess what that total means regarding the overall concept of knowing a song.
Ready? My brain is. Well, that's what it's telling me. For now.
UpTown Funk!
Verse One
This hit, that ice cold / Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold
This one for them hood girls / Them good girls, them masterpieces
Stylin', wilin', livin' it up in the city
Got chucks on with Saint Laurent / Got kiss myself, I'm so pretty
Sooooo, I'm off to poor start here. None of this rings a bell. Not Michelle Pfeiffer, not hood girls, not good girls, not Saint Laurent. I know what chucks are, so that's something, but doesn't really count towards tune smarts. Surprisingly, "Got kiss myself I'm so pretty" was going to be my high school yearbook quote. Sadly, I went with "Free Tibet" instead. What a waste.
IQ SCORE - ZERO
Verse Two
Stop, wait a minute / Fill my cup, put some liquor in it
Take a sip, sign a check / Julio, get the stretch
Ride to Harlem, Hollywood, Jackson Mississippi
If we show up, we gon' show out / Smoother than a fresh jar of Skippy
This, this is not going well. I really thought I'd recall at least a portion of the song so far. But, nada. Although, maybe at one time I did know some of it, but got pissed off when they reference smooth peanut butter. I'm a chunky man myself. Can't believe they'd risk alienating listeners with such divisive rhetoric. This is the way nation's fall.
IQ SCORE - ZERO
Chorus One
I'm too hot (hot damn) / Called a police and a fireman
I'm too hot (hot damn) / Make a dragon wanna retire man
I'm too hot (hot damn) / Say my name you know who I am
I'm too hot (hot damn) / Am I bad 'bout that money, break it down
Sigh, the shutout continues. And, I must take issue with rhyming "damn" and "fireman". No one pronounces it like Fire and Man. And, you called a police? What are you, a toddler? I suggest replacing this phrase with something that makes a tad more sense. How about;
I'm too hot (hot damn) / Got saved by a Spiderman
Boom, music. You're welcome.
IQ SCORE - ZERO
Chorus Two
Girls hit your hallelujah / whoo (3x)
'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you (3x)
Saturday night and we in the spot
Don't believe me just watch
Wait...wait!
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| Thanks Janine |
FINAL THOUGHTS
I actually believed, before going through those lyrics, that I would have picked up at least half of them. It really seemed like the most probable outcome for such a long-lasting, worldwide smash. Instead, out of a whole swath of ridiculous lines, I know exactly one. And, it's not even the title of the song! Man, clearly, I'm more of a downtown funk-type person. Huh, live and learn.
In then end, there's no way to tilt the percentages to propose that I know this hit at all. If things were a bit more even, it might have been an interesting debate about when a person truly considers something as known. Maybe sometime in the near-future, the NOPR will spit out a result that allows for that kind of discussion. For now though, my brain has moved on to other topics.
Dragon's retire? They do? Are you sure?
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