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A number one song can be a perfect storm of lyrical and musical genius coming together to create a uniquely special moment of excellence. And yet, often times, the individual elements that make up a top hit are not quite the sum of their parts.


Here at The Breakdown testing site, words are removed and isolated from the songs they've been assigned to. This allotment of dialogue is then subjugated to a rigorous series of independent tests in order to determine just how great/awful, creative/inane, and remarkable/pointless it truly is.


Do the lyrics of a number one tune stand, or fall, on their own?


Let's find out.


Sunday, March 31, 2019

Roxette "Joyride"

*****Number One, May, 1991*****


March was a rough month here at the Bloggeria.  Though the sun had broken through in the greater Portland metro, it had failed to cast any light on the single-dispensing machine that is the NOPR.  To wit, let's look at the past four weeks of number ones:
  • 3/25 - R Kelly, "Bump N' Grind"
    • Abuser, pedophile, and all-around mega-turd
  • 3/18 - Don Henley, "Dirty Laundry"
    • An (allegedly) awful guy singing about (definitely) awful people
  • 3/11 - The Knack, "My Sharona"
    • Um, cool song, if you can ignore the lusting for underage teens.
  • 3/4 - Billy Joel, "We Didn't Start the Fire"
    • Spoiler Alert: Fires are not good things (Firestarters, though, are great)
But now, it's April.  Birds are singing and baseballers are in full swing (literally and figuratively).  It's time to look on the bright side of things and have a tune that can't possibly be viewed as anything but positive.    

Unless you hate whistling.

A mouse in short pants?  Pfft, no copyright concerns here.
Ok, everyone hates whistling.

But everyone LOVES this song.  Go figure!

Maybe it's the cheeriness or the easy-going vibe.  Could've also been that these plain, non-threatening white people presented the parents of the world with perfectly catchy blandness to foist on their resentful kids as they drove them to school.  Truth is, from a worldwide perspective, that's a way to mass appeal.  It really ticks all the boxes.

Also hit the likes-to-squat-on-planes-in-goofy-pants demographic
Whatever the reasons, this tune was massive.  Number one in sixteen countries.  Among the places it hit the top were eleven European lands as well as the US, Canada, Australia, Japan(!) and Zimbabwe(!!!).  That's an astounding achievement for any artist.  

Equally amazing, at least in terms of our little slice of Internet universe here, is where this band came from.  This entry is our 35th chart-topper reviewed to date.  And, of all those, it is only the third that did not originate from an American or UK born musical act.  They join Scandinavian brethren A-ha (from Norway) and down unders' very own Men at Work as top-selling performers from outside the typical locales.

Seems probable that this helped them score so much success across their continent.  I mean, when your friendly, pigment-lacking upstairs neighbor knocks on your door and offers you some sort of umlaut-laden baked good, you're going to accept it, right?  Maybe even pay them for it, since they're selling at a low, low price.  Of course you will!

By the way, I'm convinced this how Ikea came to control our lives.

I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a meatball today
At any rate, let's dig into this little ditty.  We know the music is easy to digest, but how about the lyrics?  Are they as free of rough edges and flavor as every other part of this serving?  Only one way to find out.

Since we all have the pleasant yet insistent request of the chorus (stop telling me what to do, lady, I'm not joining you!) burned into our noggins, let's focus instead only on the verses.  Here's the lot of 'em;

Joyride
I hit the road out of nowhere / I had to jump in my car
And be a rider in a love game / Following the stars

Don't need a book of wisdom / I get no money talk at all

She has a train going downtown / She's got a club on the moon
And she's telling all her secrets / In a wonderful balloon

She's the heart of the funfair / She's got me whistling a private tune
And it all begins where it ends / And she's all mine, my magic friend

She's a flower, I could paint her / She's a child of the sun
We're a part of this together / Could never turn around and run

Don't need no fortune teller / To know where my lucky love belongs, whoa no
'Cause it all begins again when it ends, yeah
And we're all magic friends (magic friends, magic friends)

I'll take you on a sky ride / I'm feeling like I'm spellbound
The sunshine is a lady / Who rocks you like a baby

Wow.  So, um, there's that.  Is indeed a joyride, that's for sure.  Yup.  All I can say is...I guess....huh?  Wait, no, sorry, that's not much of a review. 

I meant, um...whuh?  Yeah, that's better.

Seriously, what sort of Swedish madness is this?  These words make no sense at all.  I know that this was before you could use the Internet to help translate, so perhaps that's the problem?  Maybe they wrote this in their native tongue and only had some weird forest hobbit wizard available to assist.  Or, wait...wait a minute.

Did they play the train game?

Might as well have been Roxette's album cover
This number one clearly arrived at our shores only after passing from Sweden through ten other countries of Europe.  Along the way, it got mangled, altered, and re-edited.  So, we're going to need to reverse-engineer this sucker to truly understand what it all means.

Starting with English, we're gonna travel backwards, going northeast (roughly) to this song's motherland.  The route; Portugal, Spain, Switzerland, Austria, Germany, Belgium, Netherlands, Denmark, Finland, Norway, and finally home again to Sweden.  From that, we'll translate the original back to our language to get a correct understanding of what this song is really about.  As per normal, the vehicle we take for this trip will be the always reliable Google.  Let's take an adventure!

Joyride (authentic lyrics)
I took the road / I had to jump in my car

And become a pilot in a free game / Follow the stars

You don't need a wisdom book / I have no money to talk about anything

He has a train to the city / He has a club this month
And he tells all his secrets / In a comfortable balloon

It is the heart of the amusement park / He took me to a private number
And everything begins when it ends / And he's already my magic friend

He is a flower I could paint / She is a child in the sun
We are together / I could never turn around and drive

No need for cartoons / Knowing where my love is, who does not
Because in the end everything starts again, yes
And we are all magic friends (magic friends, magic friends)

I'll take you to heaven / I feel fascinated
The sun is a woman / Who do you like a baby?

FINAL THOUGHTS
Who do you like a baby?  Sigh, okay, I'm satisfied.  It all makes sense now.

Roxette is just weird.

And I'm never, NEVER taking that damn joyride.

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